CONVERSATION: Finding Self-Worth and God's Plan Post-Divorce

AUTHOR: Sarah I. 

"I wish I could go back and meet you sooner so I could save you from the decisions you were making, but I know your testimony has the power to help a lot of girls, so I don't want for it to be different."

My favorite quote, possibly ever. It came as a reply a few minutes after I spilled things from my past - things I'm not proud of and things that I was terrified to tell my boyfriend, whose past looked nothing like mine. I remember watching the bubbles moving across my phone screen, preparing myself to have to move on from the relationship, wondering how he would choose to explain what I thought was a breakup coming.

With a grace and understanding that was hard even for me to accept at first, he has been able to walk with me through the hard truths of my past, as well as my lingering scars. I know he's able to do so not only because he has the genuine kindness and empathy of a believer but also because he has confidence and assurance in the fact that I am a new creation, and that as a daughter of Christ, I am no longer tied to the bondage of my past.

It took me a long time to get to the point in which I was ready for a man like Austin. 

If you had asked me years before, I would've told you I was ready when I really wasn't. Coming out of a marriage that ended in infidelity left me with a lot of pain and even MORE issues. I did a lot of things to try to fill the gaping holes that were left inside of me after the brutal sting of that rejection, but none of them actually helped. None of them made me feel any more loved, valuable, or worthy. Instead, they all made me feel LESS loved, valuable, and more unworthy of love or respect. I got caught in the cycle of sin and shame that Satan works best in - you know, the one where you've sinned and compromised your values and are already feeling miserable and ashamed, and he capitalizes on those feelings, condemns you, and hits you with a new opportunity to sin even more. This causes you to feel even more ashamed, and on and on it goes until you take control yourself.

It wasn't until I got the call to start my women's fitness ministry that I finally broke that cycle. Preparation for that ministry lead to a lot of time with God, and a lot of time in my Bible. I began learning the truth of who God says I am and later viewing myself differently. I learned my value and worth from the One who created me, my Father in Heaven who loves me enough to pay the ultimate price in order to spend eternity with me rather than from anyone on Earth and their views of me.

I removed distractions from my life and fixed my focus on Jesus. I didn't pray for a man to come into my life and save me or "complete" me. I didn't need to; I no longer felt incomplete. I had to get to a point in which I was content in God being all that I really needed in order to feel happy or fulfilled. The fact is, although Austin may wish that he could have gone back and met me sooner, he wouldn't have been interested in the me back then, anyway. I wasn't ready for a man like him, and I only would have hurt him. Hurt people, hurt people. Got didn't want me to let a man come in and for me to slap a Band-Aid over scars that needed REAL healing - the kind of healing that can only come from allowing Jesus himself into your heart and life.

I know I can trust God's timing in my life and that He loves me and has my best interests at heart. I know He has a plan for my life, and although that plan may not always be on MY time, it is ultimately far better than what I'd do on my own. Be patient in your waiting and know every season has a purpose. If you're feeling challenged, take comfort in knowing God is working on something inside of you. Let Him work!

Austin came into my life just after I had started praying to God to remove distractions (men being a huge one!) from my life and to help me keep my focus on Him and what He was trying to accomplish through me. There were a few weeks in the beginning when I spent a lot of time asking for wisdom.

"God, why are you sending this man NOW? Right before I start this ministry and my focus needs to be fixed on that? He seems to be everything I've wanted for years, but WHY NOW?!"

I realized pretty quickly that Austin is the farthest things from a distraction, in terms of my relationship with Christ. He has been one of my biggest supporters, bearing with my stressed out, distracted energy as I prepared messages. He never missed a single week of praying with me before each session, regardless of what was happening in his own busy life.  

I still pray those same prayers, even now. I pray for God to help me keep HIM as the center of my life, and to give me the wisdom to recognize, adjust, or remove anything and anyone who distracts me from that relationship and my purpose. In our very first conversation, I told Austin I would never love anyone as much as I love Jesus (it could be argued that I have a tendency to get a little ahead of myself, J). I meant it then and I mean it now. The fact that we are on the same page in that regard and aren't threatened by the fact that our relationship with each other will always come second to our relationships with Christ is what I believe will continue to help us navigate this crazy thing called dating in the 21st Century.

Give yourself the time to heal after a painful divorce or breakup. Give GOD the time to heal you. Instead of focusing on meeting the right person, focus instead on BECOMING the right person. And I promise you, God will knock your stinkin' socks off.

Sarah is a Jesus-loving, mother of three who lives in the Michiana area. She leads a phenomenal workout class that is based on scripture, motivation, and sweat! If you live in Michiana and are interested in checking out her classes (childcare available!) please email:

A big thank you to Sarah for writing this conversation piece! I truly believe that our stories deserve to be told and I am thankful for every one of you who take the time to share with me and our readers. 

On this blog we talk a lot about feeling rejected by certain people or organizations. What we don't talk about is sometimes the rejection you are feeling is a lie coming from Satan. 

He would LOVE for you to feel like you aren't worthy of God based on mistakes you have made. He would love for you to stay in the victim mindset that you are worthless and distract you from the blessings waiting for you on the other side of it all. 

Jesus said, "A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of." John 10:10.

What lies are you believing? What is being stolen from you that is keeping you from the life you dream of? 

-- Cayla

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