CONVERSATION: Friendship VS. Wedding Prep...

AUTHOR: Kaitlyn

Ashley* and I were best friends. When we both were proposed to at the same time we were ecstatic. How many friends of twenty years could say they got to plan their weddings together? 

We both chose each other as our maids of honor. I was already done with college, so I dove head first into the waters of bridal magazines, DIY reception decor, venue visits, and honeymoon planning. Ashley still had one year left and was in an intense hospital rotation. Naturally, as her best friend, I also began looking for ways to assist her in any way that I could while she was at the hospital.

I don't even know why I signed up to do half of the things that I a spread in a bridal magazine featuring best friends (ahem, Ashley and myself) who were getting to plan their events together. As payment, I negotiated that they would cover part of the costs for the catering at our receptions. I began working out like mad to be in perfect shape for the spread. I was also working hard to be the perfect maid of honor for Ashley. 

I addressed her "Save The Dates" and mailed them out for her. 

I ordered cake samples and took them to her at work. 

I had linen samples mailed to her. 

I was bound and determined to be the best bride and maid of honor. 

Unfortunately, it wasn't long before the dive I took into wedding planning turned into drowning. 

One Saturday afternoon, about a month after Ashley's engagement party, we drove to the local bridal shop to meet close family and friends to try on dresses. I had called the owner and got us in after hours so we could have the place to ourselves. I had picked up matching lattes with "Future Mrs." on the cups as well as champagne. 

I'm not sure exactly how it went down, but some where in the dressing room between me zipping Ashley and Ashley zipping me, she admitted to me that she had broken off her engagement. She informed me that her fiance had been looking at porn for the last few months so she decided to call it off. This had been an issue in their relationship before, but she thought he had stopped after they discussed it. 

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I lost it. 

"ASHLEY. I have done EVERYTHING for you for over the last 8 months. I have spent my own money and time I can never get back for US to have the perfect day! For US to save money! All while supporting your nursing career! Now you are going to ruin all of this over some porn?! How dare you! If you do this the magazine will drop us! It has to be BOTH of us!! We can't afford the catering costs without it! Why are you so selfish?!"

While still in the dressing room, both of us half zipped up, I dropped her as my maid of honor. She tried to apologize and explain, but I refused to listen. In that moment, I declared her as a threat to my "perfect-day" and never looked back. I'm not sure of much that happened after that, but I am sure that my choices destroyed a 20 year friendship. 

This happened almost three years ago and it is one of the biggest regrets of my life. Not only because I lost my friend, but also because I was in no way, shape, or form an example of Christ. While I was stressed about having a Pinterest-worthy wedding, Ashley was stressed about having a Christ-worthy marriage! She was interested in marrying someone who respected her and entering into a covenant with Christ that she felt could survive for better or for worse. 

LM ACTION: I really loved the perspective of Kaitlyn's conversation. It's not one we hear from often. We often hear of the bride or groom pressured into marriage after the fact, but not usually from the person who attempted to apply the pressure for whatever reason. I appreciate her honesty. 

Previously on the blog, we had another conversation where the groom felt pressured to get married. I think that more couples are pressured into getting married than we care to realize. It's sad to think that they are are scared to lose family, friends, or investments. 

Have you ever pressured someone to make a choice that they weren't comfortable with? What kind of strain did it cause in the relationship?

-- Cayla

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*name has been changed for anonymity. 


  1. Very interesting. It was good that Ashley had the ability to stand her ground and not marry the man. Porn is a habit that many men never give up and can affect the entire marriage badly. Kaitlyn learned a very valuable lesson.

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